Playing With Fire
by hazuki-chan0119
Summary: It's a Steven Universe fanfic, obviously. Steven hurts Amethyst and that's only another catalyst to her depression. So yeah. It's a story.
1. The First Ending of Mine

Preface: Hi. Outright, if you can't handle fan fiction and don't understand the definition of it or what the two words mean together, you can read the story, that's up to you. Just understand that you are ignorant to the events of my life and I like to include that in my stories. So fuck all of you "critics" out there. Anyways, hope you enjoy and remember, I write what I want. Not you fucks.

It was a gloomy, downcast day in Beach City. We'd been having showers for two days now. I sat up on a rock by the beach, reflecting upon what had happened last week. Peridot and Jasper intruded on our adopted home planet, in a big ass hand or something. We thought Jasper killed Garnet for a second, but she's a fusion. Whoa. I didn't even know that. Jasper was an asshole. He kept me backed into a corner, surrounded by a bunch of Peridot's drones that he could command to attack and end me at any moment. Then Steven rushed in to save me... Sweet, benevolent, considerate, sometimes irrational, awkward, loving, always the greatest. Steven. Just the other day, he found me locked in my chamber, destroying shit and crying. That could have been the end of something great.

"Amethyst, no! What are you doing? Stop! Please! Let me help you."

He seized my arms and brought them to my side. I was still screaming, but his face, his lips were in asymptotic motion towards mine. I felt the warmth of his heart in every breath.

"Amethyst, I need you to understand that I'm your friend and I'll always be here for you. You're like a sister to me. I love you. Don't you ever forget that." But, he never kissed me. He withdrew himself slowly and gathered me in his arms. I started crying, but he stayed with me. It was an everlasting gesture of what could be but would never be. I cherished that moment in my heart, because it's the closest I'll ever get to him. I care too much. And, he has his own life apart from me. I wasn't a priority. I was just an expendable friend. Our relationship was terminal. As I was lost in my meditative state, I felt a hand caress my face. It was Steven. Back to reality now.

"Hey, I just wanted to say, thanks for, um, talking to Connie for me."

Oh yeah. I forgot to say. Steven had me talk to Connie for him the other day. I gave a piece of my heart to him when I agreed to further the disappointment of our slowly dying relationship. It would never be the same. Not since our emotional schism... After Jasper attacked... And after he consolidated me. I don't know why I was wrecking everything. Something just came over me, like it always does. I was just listening to Slipknot on my stereo, then I found myself on my feet, charging towards the Great Pile of Amethysts' Shit and began to wreck it. After Steven played with my heart again, unintentionally, as he is ignorant to my feelings, I went to the busted hand of Rose's massive sculpture in the mountain and sat there. I just sat there, and I started screaming. I was furious! But for what? For what? Steven must have heard me going crazy, because he rushed over to me.

"Amethyst, not this again! Come on sweetie, please, stop!" He tried to pet my head, but I pushed him away. I scratched him, and left a huge gash. Fuck. I forgot how strong I was. He turned and stomped away. I heard him sigh in disappointment. "I love you, Amethyst." I know we said we loved each other alot, but it felt different this time. I stayed there, playing with a few pieces of Rose's broken statue. I was a mess.

Later that evening, he came back up the mountain, and almost fell on a slippery stone. He looked at me,half in tears,half angry, and said,"Amethyst, after tonight, I realize that you are too much for me to handle! Too much drama. I'm sorry, but you have to understand at some point." As he walked out on me, my heart fell into the pit of my stomach, exploding in the lava that was the acidic liquid in my belly and being lost forever to the flames. But not yet. I had to try and recover what I could from the ashes.

"Steven, wait! Come back!" I ran after him, my heart racing, my feet kicking sand up into my face. "Please, give me another chance! Tell me what I do to fix it!"

I grabbed his arm. He whipped around to face me.

"Look, there's nothing you can do. I'm done. You are making my life stressful. I'm sorry, but you have to find a new friend."

It started to rain again as he walked away, leaving me there on the beach. I couldn't differentiate between my tears and the rain drops. When the clouds that were my eyes couldn't rain anymore, I got up and went inside.

I went into my chambers that night and cut my wrist up. The blood mesmerized me as it dripped from the slits. It was like being a stoner, but for pain. I got high off the pain, the blood. But he'd never know. I did the cuts for him. To punish myself, like I always do. On every mission I avoided him as best as possible, even when he was shooting crystals at corrupt gems and one backlashed and hit me. I sucked it up. Maybe he'd glance at me, but never speak a word. His beautiful green eyes always fell on me, and when I'd catch them, he'd look away to my everlasting disappointment. Maybe he'd begin to love me one day. Maybe. All of that thought and I never even knew Steven was calling my name.

"Amy? Amethyst! Amethyst, are you alright? What's wrong?" I slowly gazed up at him, and a hint of a smile crossed my face.

"You're welcome." That's all I said. Then I got up and walked away.

"Welcome for what?" Steven asked, puzzled. I don't know what I was saying that day. Steven started towards me, but Garnet grabbed his arm. I turned around and walked away.

"Just give her some space, Steven", she said, in her beautiful British accent.

I woke up around twelve in the morning. I heard something outside. Like, the roar of an airplane's engine. I got up and went to investigate. I observed an unmanned plane, glowing blue. Nobody was around. I checked the entire one mile radius of the area. No one. So I climbed inside. It was my friend Luce.

"Luce! Look at you. About to be out of school, aren't you?"

She jumped in her seat and froze. When she realized who I was, her pale face turned red.

"Goodness, you almost scared the life out of me! Hey sweetie! How are you? How are the missions? Anyone hurt? That bitch Peridot dead yet? How's Steven?" And when she finished that statement, tears began to well up in my eyes like a depressed cloud showering it's agony onto the earth below.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry, I forgot..."

"It's okay. Just... Fly me to the Kindergarten, will you? I need to get back there. I feel whole at the kindergarten." The engine revved up and then we took off into the stratosphere, a million thoughts racing around in my head.


	2. A New Conflict

We were in complete and utter silence for half of the ride. Lucy was in the cockpit, so she couldn't see the tears pouring from my eyes and flowing down my face. I felt a lump in my throat. Lucy's eyes were glued to the control panel, the constant futuristic sounds of the computer breaking my train of thought. Then I gasped loudly as I was sobbing.

"Whoa, whoa, what's wrong?" Lucy put the spaceship in autopilot and ran to help me. The tears wouldn't stop coming. They rushed out of my eyes like rapids down a river. My nose was backed up with snot. Luce gathered me in her arms. And, by instinct, she immediately checked my arms. She saw the fresh cuts.

"Amethyst, tell me what happened. Right now."

I just sat, whimpering and grinding my teeth.

"Honey, I'm here for you. Just tell me what happened." Then the agony and pain ignited a fire inside of me. The angry flames poured out of my heart and soul in the form of words. At first it sounded like a baby who couldn't say her first words, then got frustrated.

"I just- I- and he- I can't even- and he said- what the- it's just- what the fuck is wrong with me?!"

"Slow down, it's okay! Now, start from the beginning, hush, it'll be fine." She wiped my tears and snot on her sleeve and smiled gently. Lucy is such a benevolent, beautiful human being. And she'd been through so much... I told her everything. About how we talked every night, how he was so warm, how I kept having outbursts, the drinking, how we almost kissed, the fight, him leaving me... Well, there was nothing to leave. We always came so close and then... It was over.

"I just want to feel his lips press- I want them to press up against mine just once! It's not fair! I care about someone so much and they barely even acknowledge my existence! I just... I don't get it. It was one fight, one! And now it's all over? It's not fair! I- I-"

"Look," Lucy interrupted ( but I didn't mind, I needed to stop rambling),"I get it. You're hurt. I'm sorry, but you will get through this." She glanced back down at my arms. She shook her head slowly.

"Such beautiful, lavender skin... And you're hacking it away with a razor blade. Look at me!" Her eyes were burning with rage and sadness at the same time. A chaotic mixture.

"You don't need to keep doing this, especially over something like this! I get it, you're hurting, but why hurt yourself even more?"

I began to cry. The tears would stop. She couldn't ameliorate me. I felt the blood flowing through my veins, pumping, throbbing. All of the things he said. They were true. I was too much to handle.

"THEY'RE TRUE, THEY'RE TRUE! Everything he said! All of it! I'm too much to handle. No wonder all of my friends get sick of me! I can't - I just- what's wrong with me?" I started fighting an imaginary assailant. My vision was blurred. Then Lucy pulled my arms down to my sides. Just like Steven did, but no, no no no no no! I couldn't. I let. No! I can't! (sic) I can't lose another friend to my tantrums. To these outbursts my depression causes. I had to stop. And I did. Lucy was staring at me.

"We'll get through this, honey. Together."

I sat in a dark corner, pulling my knees up to my chest and burying my head in my arms. I cried for nearly two hours.

When we began approaching the kindergarten, I started to recall memories.  
Of Steven. Of us here. Together. But none of that mattered now. He extinguished the flames of our friendship with cold, cold, water. All that remained were the charred embers. I let my head fall against the window. As we started our landing, I started getting headaches. I needed some pain pills.

"Luce, you got any Advil? I have such a fucking headache."

She rummaged through her purse. The engine was off.

"Shit, you're out of luck. Ooh, wait, here's some. Take two." She tossed the bottle my way. I opened it and popped about twenty.

As we made our way across the Valley of Abandoned Injectors. I know this place has a bad rap, but I was made here. I was draining the humans of their life, their supplies, their natural fuels, just to be born. I was a parasite. Maybe... Maybe if I wasn't born... The fellow Crystal Gems wouldn't be disappointed, Steven wouldn't hate me, I would succeed in school(even though I don't really need money). What if..? I wondered if I could reverse this curse. My chest started to ache as we ascended the mountain. It was foggy and dry, the air hurt me to breathe. I didn't even need air. Sometimes, I actually liked to go to the bottom of the ocean and just sit there, staring up at all of the sharks and clownfish and schools of minnows, and sometimes seeing a gem worm. But I didn't fight it, it only swam around and screeched at anything in its way. Sometimes... Sometimes Steven would call my name. It sounded so weird underwater. Blurry, unintelligible words. But I could make out what he said.

When I had cramps sometimes(I'm the only Crystal Gem who had periods), he would sit on the beach and listen to me moaning from the colossal pains. Eventually they'd cease, but he'd be crying because he didn't want me in pain. Such a sensitive, sweet little boy. I can only wonder why he cared about me.

"I'm here for you, Amethyst. I'll always be here to help you solve your problems as much as possible. Our friendship has meaning, you know? And I care. I'll always care. Don't you forget that." But that was long ago. He doesn't care about me anymore. I'd been mesmerized by my thought for so long that I didn't even realize Lucy was screaming. The sound pierced my eardrums.

"Amethyst, help!" She'd slipped and fallen onto a ledge. She was barely hanging on with one hand, and the pale skin of her lower back was exposed. Bloodied.

I hurried to summon my weapon. My left hand rushed to my chest, my gem glowed, and the whip was born of my boobs.

"Lucy, hold on!" But I was too late. Her hand slipped.

"No! Damnit, no!" I closed my eyes as she almost hit the ground, but then I heard a whoosh. I looked down. I saw... Lion? He caught Lucy in his mouth, somehow, and her body was left unscathed by his fangs.

"Amethyst!" I heard Pearl's familiar voice, like that of an overprotective mother. "Young lady, what were you thinking? Coming out to this forsaken place!" Her eyes glowed with fury.

"Yes," Garnet agreed, "this place is fucked. What are you doing here?"

"No, no! What are you doing here? I had to get away! I needed to feel whole, just for a moment, I wanted to feel complete, and I only feel that when I'm here!"

"AMETHYST", Pearl began to lecture. "Think about what would've happened if we didn't show up! Splat! Your friend is dead!" Pearl's onomatopoeia sounded ridiculous. But she was right.

"Would you want your friend dead, Amethyst? Would you? Huh? Did you want to scoop up your friend and bring a puddle of human home?"

"No! Damnit Pearl, I get it! Shut the fuck up!" My veins busted out of my head. I pulled my hair and started screaming. The whole time, Steven was standing there, watching me have another tantrum. I froze, our eyes meeting. The sun created a sexy shadow of him. I loved him. Green eyes, brown hair, kind of short, always cheerful, funny, awkward. He was Steven. Simply Steven. God, what am I thinking? He abandoned me! I shouldn't have feelings for him! He hurt me! Then I heard his voice.

"Amethyst, I-"

Swoop! Crash! Boom! An explosion of green hit the side of the mountain, sending us down to the ground.

"Steven! Get Lucy back to the beach house!" Garnet commanded.

" I want to stay and fight with you guys! Please, get Pearl to do it," he pleaded. Garnet lifted her shades, revealing a fiery third eye.

"Yes ma'am!" He squeaked, intimidated by her third orbital. He mounted Lion and charged towards the spaceship. In a matter of seconds, they were gone.

"Amethyst, I can't believe you brought a human to this wretched place!" Pearl pulled her spear out of her gem. Even though I was pissed as hell at her, I still thought her spear was the most beautiful weapon of defense ever. I envied it. Not that I'd want a giant pearl on my forehead.

We charged towards the source of calamity, our weapons raised high. There was a spaceship. Another hand. Shit, Jasper was back! I still don't know if that thing is a girl or a boy.

We waited for the approaching fight, beads of sweat forming around our eyes and mouths. I squinted my eyes. Nothing. No sort of commotion for ages, no signs of life.

Ten more minutes. As I turned to tell Garnet we should just leave, I heard the Psssh of a hydraulic door swinging open.  
We went back into defense mode. And who walks out? Jasper.

"Well well well, if it isn't the pussy squad."  
Jasper's eyes narrowed, his ugly smirk reaching from cheek to cheek. "I've been ready to destroy your asses. Especially you, Amethyst!"

I sneered at him. "Couldn't if you tried, you little bitch!" I cracked my whip in the air, showing him how powerful I was.

"Ooh, what are ya gonna do? Give me a spanking? Ha!" He laughed, but I could see him quaking in his pants.

"I smell your fear, asshole." Then I darted towards him, my fists itching for his face. He raised his arm, and when my fist met it, I cracked a few bones.

"Aaah! Shit!" I winced from the pain. He drop kicked me, sending me flying through the air. I landed on my back. A series of cracks rippled throughout my body.

"Amethyst, fall back!" Garnet commanded. Pearl came and helped me up.

Garnet activated her gauntlets and started throwing punches at Jasper. She blacked his eye, knocked out five teeth, and then he struck her with a sword. She went down, but was never was defeated. I limped over to help her to her feet.

"Shit this hurts!"

"Then don't walk on it, you jackass!" Garnet yelled. I didn't listen. I kept on towards her. I pulled her up.

"Come on, I'll help you fight!"

"No, go away! You can't fight! You're hurt!" She shoved me back, even though she knew I was hurt. But I didn't feel anything. She sent her fist into Jasper's knee, the sounds of bones shattering making me so uncomfortable.

"Damn it!" He screamed. Jasper limped back to his ship.

"Go, run away like the damn coward you are!" I screamed.  
Whoosh! His ship gravitated towards the sky, and in a few bursts of light, he was gone.

"Shit," I said,"What was he doing here?!"

"I heard him and Peridot talking about restarting the kindergarten. We have to stop them. The destruction would end the human race." And she was right. We had to stop them. Even though I was made because of this place, its creation was wrong. Hell, forget about my problems with Steven, I had to save the fucking world. And I would do this with or without him.


	3. My Other Human Friends

Because Steven had flown the ship back to help an injured Lucy, we had to walk home. From the kindergarten. All the way home. No fucking transportation, just our feet. I was tired, had broken bones, an aching headache(not to mention my chest hurt from taking too much Advil), I just started my period...  
I hate my life.

"Amethyst, I still can't believe you came back here, knowing that no good ever comes from this place!" I felt guilty ephemerally, but then I realized she kind of insulted me.

"Nothing good, huh? What about me, you bitch?" I was seething with anger.

"Not even you," she said, her true bitchiness showing through. I jumped on her and started punching. She drew her spear and started jabbing at me. Garnet grabbed both of us.

"Stop it, you bloody idiots!" She screamed. "We have to keep it together here. This is a critical situation. Jasper is back, we don't know where Peridot is, and we could've just gotten a human killed."

I got off of Pearl and apologized.

"Pearl, I'm sorry. You just piss me off all the time."

"Bitch," Pearl mumbled. She sneered and kept walking.

Pearl and I have never had a great relationship. When I first brought Steven to the kindergarten, she ridiculed me and said everything that came from there was bad. Including me. Then we fought. I'd never forget. I almost killed her. And almost got myself killed. To be honest, I kind of wanted that Injector to fall and send me into sweet oblivion. But I got away. When my brain shut down, ready for death, my body move towards my little cubby in the mountain. Nobody saved me from suicide but myself. Me. Me alone. I did it.

After five earth hours, we finally reached beach city. Fatigued and lethargic, I dropped to the sand. I let out a long sigh that was a mixture between relief and tiredness.

"C'mon, Amethyst, you still have to reach the house. Up, up, up you go." She picked me up and threw me over her shoulder. Inside were Rochelle and Jacelyn. In case you're wondering, they are my only friends other than the gems.

"Heeeeey, Garnet," said Jacelyn, nervously. She'd always been saved scared of Garnet.

"Whoa, Amethyst, what happened to you?" Rochelle gasped. Garnet threw me off her shoulders. It was less painful than in the battle, my bones started healing.

"I'm fine," I said in a whiny voice. "Just a few scratches, battle wounds, few broken bones..." Jacelyn shrieked in horror.

"I knew it! I always knew Garnet would hurt you one day!" She ran towards Garnet, screaming and whirling her fists. She started hitting Garnet, but she didn't even budge. She sent Jacelyn flying backwards with a tiny shove.

"I didn't do that, you dumb human. She just said we were in battle."

"Actually," Rochelle corrected,"she said she had battle wounds." Garnet lifted her glasses to expose the triangle formed by her eyes. Rochelle shut up pretty quickly.

"Guys, I'm fine. Y'all wanna go get some fry bits?" As I realized what I said, I remembered the first time I had get fry bits. I was with Steven. Pain hit me. Obviously, Jacelyn could see the hurt on my face. She ran over to hug me.

"Aww, Amy, what's wrong?" She stroked my face, just like Steven used to.

No more tears, I told myself. "I'm fine guys. Let's go get those bits."


	4. Centipeetles Again

We began our journey into town. The smell of ocean in the air, seagulls crying out happily to each other, Jenny in the Fish Stew Pizza car, and annoyed Mayor Dewey assessing the damage of his tire, Steven... Steven. He was at the fry stand, laughing and talking to Peedee. Peedee looked angry, as usual. He hates his job or something.

"Yeah! It was awesome!" This was Steven's familiar voice. "I finally told her I liked her, and she kissed my cheek, and we sat on the beach and talked for hours!"

He must have been talking about Connie. She's so lucky. I know I'm a little bit older than Steven, but it isn't much. Couple years, give or take. Well.

"Steven, I don't get why you care so much about girls. Sure, they're fun and all, and they're nice to look at, but we are working men. We don't have time for romance." He gilded his chin and put his chest up high.

"Yeah, Peedee? We aren't men, and we aren't working. Well, we are, but still! We have a duty to our hearts." And then he made the same stupid gesture as Peedee. When they saw themselves mirroring each other, they busted out laughing.

"Hey, um, guys, let's go get donuts instead." I hated donuts, but Sadie worked at the big donut, and I wanted to rant to her too. Um, shit, I lied earlier. I have four human friends(excluding Steven.) Lucy, Jacelyn, Rochelle, and Sadie. I was okay with some other kids at Beach City, but we weren't close.

"Um, why not fries? Steven's there." Rochelle and Jacelyn were ignorant to our current friendship status.

"Guys, that's what I wanted to talk to you about!"

"Okay," said Rochelle. "So let's go get fries and talk to Steven." I let my face hit my palm. Sometimes they could be so stupid. I grabbed them by the arms and pulled them towards The Big Donut.

"Guys, you know how I had a thing for Steven, right?" I was lying. It was more than just a "thing".

"Uh, yeah, I guess," Jacelyn said, nonchalantly, slurping on her drink.

"What about it, anyway?" Rochelle asked. "Did something finally happen?!"

"Ooh, I bet they kissed!" Jacelyn gushed. They both started to squeal.

"Did you kiss?" Rochelle asked. "Or was it..."

"Guys, no! We aren't even FRIENDS ANYMORE!"

The whole diner went silent. Lars dropped a Dr. Pepper.

"Um, Sadie," he started nervously,"I'm taking a break. Can you, um? Yeah." He took off through the back door. Everyone one else carried on, business as usual.

Sadie rushed over to my side. "Amethyst, did you say you aren't friends with Steven? What happened? You told me shit was about to get good." She looked at me with more gossip-lust in her eyes than care. That was disappointing.

"We had a falling out, but it's no big deal. I took care of it." I gestured towards my arm with my head. "Like i said, none of this is a big deal, and I can get over it. For the mean time-"

"AMETHYST!" Garnet burst through the doors. "GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE NOW!"

Two centipeedles were circling Onion, screeching horribly and making Vidalia cry.

"Don't worry baby! The Crystal gems will save you!" She was a tough lady, but I could see the tears forming.

I activated double whip mode and retrieved them from my boobs.

Crink! I heard the sound of Garnet's gauntlets crash together.

"Crystal Gems, defend your people!"

She screamed her battle cry as she charged towards the centipeedles.

"I will fight for the place where I'm free! To live together and exist as me!" The piercing sound of her gauntlets hitting the rough outer shell of a monstrosity sent chills down my spine. But I couldn't let her fight alone.

"For Beach City!" I screamed, charging for the imitate threat. The centipeedles cried out in anger. Then I remembered the first time we fought a centipeedle. Steven... He saved me. He saved us. He took his prized Cookie Cat freezer and threw it at the centipeedle, electrocuting it and giving us just enough time to destroy it and teleport it back to the homeworld.

Lost in thought again, that fucking centipeedle caught me off-guard. He struck me with his tail and sent me flying into a billboard for Sprite. I was angry. Rage flamed up inside of me and exited through my ears. I literally melted the billboard behind me. I felt myself being drawn up to my feet. I darted towards the centipeedles and blacked out.

When I finally came two, I looked around to try and deduce what had happened. Big Donut was on fire, Sadie was sitting in an ambulance with a blanket wrapped around her, police were asking the bystanders questions, the two Centipeedles were dead, Garnet held her face in her hands, Pearl was pacing back and forth, Steven was... Oh no! He was face down on the sand. I ran to his side and began shaking him, trying desperately to revive him.

"Steven, wake up! Do you hear me? Wake up, don't you fucking die on me!"

"Urgh, Amethyst, chill out!" When I finally let go he was glaring at me. I could see flames in his eyes. "I just fell over, gosh! Can't you leave me alone?"

I didn't mind that he was being a dick pond. I still cared.

"Stee-man, your eye! It's black! And there's bruises all over you, you aren't okay!"

He sighed. "I was hoping you'd take the hint that I wanted you to walk away. Guess you aren't smart enough." He dusted himself off and walked back towards the house, alone. Like how I felt right now. My mouth dropped. It was a perfect O. Why did Steven hate me? Why? All I had in my heart for him was care and affection. Was that not enough? What was missing? Why wasn't I a good enough friend? What did I do? Yeah, I already knew the answer to that question.

Rochelle and Jacelyn limped over to me. Damn. They looked bad. Jacelyn's face was covered in blood, and Rochelle was walking like her ankle was broken. I think it was.

"Shit, girl, we gotta get you to a hospital!" I exclaimed.

"No, no, I'm fine. We need to be here for you now." Rochelle smiled at me painstakingly, but Jacelyn seemed to be in another world.

"Ladies," a paramedic called," You need to get in the ambulance. I'm sure your friend can ride along if she wants." My two human companions looked my way.

"Will you?" Jacelyn asked. The first words she'd said after the fight too.

"Of course I will. I love you guys." And we climber into the ambulance and drove away, Beach City getting smaller and smaller, and me feeling even worse about Steven.


End file.
